There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This toilet bowl is my home.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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