so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
