I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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