Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
