i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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