Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
