I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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