I hope mine doesn't look like that
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
