I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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