All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
