highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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