Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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