You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
