you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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