Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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