u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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