Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
