its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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