Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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