My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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