I'm so fucking centered right now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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