pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
