i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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