like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
