and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
