my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
