Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I need a beard to bite.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
