I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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