there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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