i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
