dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
