Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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