this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
that may or may not have been my penis.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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