I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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