I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
