I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
