So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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