The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
