Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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