Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
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I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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