There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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