she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
