Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
