everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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