WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
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In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
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I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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