i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
