Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
