so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
