I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
