her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
do herpes really smell.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize