Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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