we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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