somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
