You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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