I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
