A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if only i could text you this smell
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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