worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
