"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
