If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
