he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
