We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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