you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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