hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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